


Idiot Wind

by Dr_Megamind



Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-04-24 00:52:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4899223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Megamind/pseuds/Dr_Megamind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All the King of Heroes wanted was a peaceful evening to enjoy the fair. Really, it's not too much to ask...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kirei

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing but the world.

"Hurry! Or do you presume to have a King such as myself wait for you?" yelled the great King of Uruk impatiently. He had been expecting this event for an entire week and although he had managed to hide the fact well, he simply couldn't wait. During his mortal life he had experienced all of life's pleasures, that much was true. However there was this one thing he never got to experience. It was nothing more than simply lack of the proper technology at the time, however it still remained as an unnatained pleasure that he had to experience himself. At least according to all the romance anime he had been watching secretly.

 

As he watched the sadist exit the Fuyuki church he couldn't supress the feeling of how _wrong_ this was. He was supposed to go with his Saber, his only love and nine hundred fifty-sixth wife. However, seeing as Saber was at least six years away from him still and Caren was out of the question for obvious reasons, he would be forced to attend with Kirei. There was always the option of simply finding a date on his own instead of dragging Kirei along, but he was completely unable to find any suitable woman to escort him. That and Kirei had proved himself to be a rather stingy man. He had straight out told him that he would either survive on the ten thousand yen per month he gave him, or he should just go out there and get a job like everybody else. Gilgamesh was unable to pinpoint the exact moment he lost the upper hand in his relationship with Kirei (although the moment he began living for free in the church should be an indicator) but the problem remained that with ten thousand yen a month he couldn't take his date anywhere that wasn't the church or a very notorious bar downtown from where he had managed to pawn a small amount of gold once, without KIrei's knowledge of course.  With his A+ Charisma he could probably work something out anyway, even in the church, however with Kirei's (and from time to time Caren's as well) constant presence, even his A+ Charisma was doomed.

 

As things stood, he had no choice but to go to the fair with Kirei.

 

"I am here Gilgamesh. Let's go." the priest announced in his usual monotone. As he turned towards the exit of the church's courtyard however, a rather large orange wrench fell from his robe. The King of Heroes stared at it in shock for a moment before turning his gaze at Kirei in disapproval.

 

"Open the robe Kirei." he ordered sternly.

 

"No."

 

The Gate of Babylon opened behind Kotomine and the tip of Gae Bolg's prototype spear was aimed at his back. "Open the robe Kirei." the King repeated his order, eyes slightly narrowed. Free-loader he might be, but there were limits to his patience and Kirei saw that as well. Without a word he unbuttoned his robe.  "Now spread it."

 

Kotomine obeyed silently, although the displeasure was clear in his expression. Gilgamesh's eyes widened at the sight. There, inside specially designed pockets that made the contents invisible from the outside were all sorts of tools. Screwdrivers, wrenches, a small saw and a variety of others. Open-mouthed he stared first at an expressionless Kirei and then back at the contents of his robe. Swallowing the lump in his throat he stared the man in the eyes.

 

"Did you make this specifically for the fair?' he asked horrified.

 

"No, this robe's designed for Inquisitors of the Church so the pockets were there from the start."

 

"That's not what I asked you."

 

"Yes."

 

Gilgamesh sighed. He did not really regret showing Kotomine the meaning of joy and pleasure in whatever form it may exist in every person, however he never quite expected him to be so... enthusiastic, so thirsty for more of it. From regularly ripping off his congression to targeting one individual after another, he was spreading misery in his way like an unstoppable force of nature. It was at moments like this though that he felt the need to lock the sadistic maniac to the church's shed and leave him there until the next Holy Grail War. He had a very good idea of what Kotomine planned on doing with all those tools in the fair and he knew that the fake priest would probably get away with it.

 

"Take them out. Every single one of them Kotomine." he commanded him, the tip of the spear now pressing firmly against his back. Kotomine did so without a single word or expression passing his face. After five minutes of this, a rather big pile of various tools had gathered at the priest's feet as he threw the last one on it. The King of Uruk stared at him suspiciously.

 

"I don't need to worry about the pants, do I Kirei?"

 

"No."

 

He closed the Gate of Babylon. "I plan n keeping a very close eye on you Kirei. Don't try to spoil my fun there today, or the concequences will be dire."

 

"Understood King of Heroes." the priest replied and to Gilgamesh it seemed for a moment that he had tried to give a tone of innocense in his voice, but quickly dismissed the thought. Kotomine Kirei was a very capable man in many aspects but in regards to cooking and his vocal range, he was as stale as they came.

 

"Now then, let us go!" the King declared happily, already out of the courtyard. It was one of the reasons he failed to spot the smirk that passed Kotomine Kirei's lips.

                                                         XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

"This... is not as fun as I expected."

 

The Fuyuki Fair had been fairly similar to the fairs of all the anime he had watched but it had been sorely lacking in the fun department. He had already won a few stuffed animals and rode the Ferris Wheel. Kirei had been under close supervision the entire time and although he had noticed his eyes straying towards the control panel of various games, the priest had kept his less socially acceptable tendencies to himself. Overall it was a fairly boring experience, nothing like he expected it to be.

 

"Would you like to return to the church then Gilgamesh?"

 

"No. There still may be a way to salvage this. Now let us move to the cotton candy stand."

 

"I don't like cotton candy."

 

"Listen to the King, Kirei, he always knows what is best for you."

 

Kirei did not answer to that, which was just fine with the King of Uruk. He moved towards the stand he was interested in, intend on finding some joy in the experience. He was certain that much of the boredom stemmed from the fact that the priest was the one accompanying him and not some young schoolgirl in a short skirt that would be all laughs and giggles and red cheeks, as they were in anime. In retrospect, Caren might have been a better choice than Kirei, however the little woman scared him. In the safety of his head he had less of a problem admitting it, which is not to say that he would admit it out loud. Plus, although Kirei had a sense of self-preservation that prevented him from going overboard with his treatment of the King, Caren had no such thing. He definitely didn't believe that he would be able to force _her_ tools out of that dress of hers. Not if he didn't wish for the Cloth of Magdalene to turn him into one of those bandaged excuses for a King he had seen in museums.

 

Those were the thoughts that were going through his head when the "surprised" voice of Kirei snapped him out of his kingly musings.

 

"Rin?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing- not even the world since I had a number of lawsutis aimed at me for claiming foreign property as mine in a public announcement. But I will get back at you Coca-Cola! But enough of my legal troubles.

"Rin?"

The King of Heroes was forced back to the present by the "surprise" in Kirei's voice. Looking at the cause of said "surprise", he took in the vaguely familiar face, the sharp blue eyes and the long black hair, tied in pigtails at each side of her head.

"Kirei?" she asked with wide eyes, blinking a few times. Then she noticed Gilgamesh's existence. The nerve! To notice the fake priest first and ignore the one true King even in his magnificent presence!"Who is this Kirei? Is he here with you?" she demanded frowning, not managing to fully conceal the surprise in her eyes.

"Yes. But Rin, shouldn't you be studying? You have still to fully master the enforcement spell after all."

The Tohsaka wench aimed a filthy look at Kirei, who responded with his best attempt at a concerned expression. Gilgamesh continued to silently seeth in rage at how both of them were now openly ignoring him. He was itching to open the Gate and teach these mongrels a lesson, but something inside him stopped him from doing so. Maybe it was the fact that he still hadn't quite managed to remember why the brat was familiar, or maybe it was because he still had some subconcious hope of salvaging this boring day. Whatever it was, the mongrels better be grateful.

"I appreciate your concern Kirei," the girl spat in a way that made Gilgamesh doubt she appreciated Kirei's "concern" in the least, "but I don't need it. And why are you in the fair in the first place? I would think that you are allergic to happiness and fun."

Gilgamesh had to hide a smirk at Rin's insightful nature at such a young age. Kirei merely sighed at the girl's behaviour.

"Gilgamesh here thought it a good idea to spend the evening in the fair." he offered as an explanation, then seemed to realize something and smirked. "And speaking of which, Gilgamesh allow me to introduce you to-"

"Thank you very much Kirei but I am perfectly capable of introducing myself." the pre-teen cut in and extended her hand at him. "I am Tohsaka Rin, sixth head of the Tohsaka family. Pleased to meet you sir."

The smirk he had been trying to suppress appeared on Gilgamesh's face. So this arrogant little girl was Tohsaka Tokiomi's daughter? Who would have thought? Not that Tokiomi lacked arrogance- just thinking, let alone intending, to force  _him_  to commit suicide took a vast amount of arrogance in someone- but that little girl wore it like a perfectly-fitting cloak.

"Kirei? Is your friend alright?"

"Yes."

"Why is he standing there smirking at me like that?"

"He is a... victim of the Fuyuki fire."

"Is he going to be alright?" Rin asked before she could stop herself, a bit of concern in her eyes.

"Hopefully yes." Kirei answered, his voice rather uncaring. Gilgamesh looked from one to the other with a frown, eventually downing on him that the braindead escort of Kirei they were talking about was none other that Gilgamesh himself.

_The nerve! The unbelievable nerve of daring to even do anything but gaze upon me with reverence- because I feel like being reverred- while in my presence is unforgivable! Punishable by death! Punishable by everything that is an available method of punishment!_

"Well then. I hope you enjoy your day." she said with her attention shifted to the cotton candy, as her turn to order some had arrived. The dismissal in her voice, made him snap. Gilgamesh opened his mouth to finally let out all the pent up rage of the last two and a half minutes, but then Kirei beat him to it.

"Rin, it is unsafe for a little girl to walk around on her own and it is soon getting dark. Would you like us to escort you to the rest of the rides and then to your home?"

Gilgamesh's anger found a new recepient in the fake priest and he turned to Kirei, his rage to a point where he was seeing red-  _how dare the lowly mongrel propose something like this without his permission_ \- but at that exact moment, everything within a rather wide radius of the girl froze. Somewhere in the world, cute and cudly animals suffocated and babies woke up screaming in their cribs as the full wrath of one Tohsaka Rin took shape in the form of the sweetest, most diamond-cutting smile he had ever seen.

"No thank you Kirei. That won't be necessary."

The ancient King's anger had evaporated almost immediately, survival insticts kicking in, the Gate of Babylon ready to open at the first sign of further hostile intentions. If he was a lesser man, he would have taken several steps back, as the mongrels standing behind him had done. But he had faced the Bull of Heaven and the Guardian of the Cedar Forest and he would not show weakness before the demon in front of him.

_Is this... bloodlust? Is that girl really human?_

While Kotomine seemed to be rather unfazed by the smile -thankfully- aimed fully at him, the stand owner was the first to recover from the sudden trembling that had taken over the limbs of those around Rin. He nervously looked at Gilgamesh and asked in a slightly trembling voice: "What w-would you like Sir?"

That broke the spell. Rin huffed and pointedly marched away from them, while Kirei's expression returned to his usual emotionless one. Of course, someone who knew him a bit better would have immediately spotted the glee in his eyes. Gilgamesh shot a look of disdain at the merchant who dared address him so directly, but he could understand that he might have been shaken from what had just transpired. Disgarding the idea of skewering him, he instead ordered four pieces and handed the three to Kirei, who paid the bill without complain. As they put some distance between themselves and a rather relieved stand owner, Kirei revealed what was on his mind.

"You will have a stomach ache if you eat that much candy King of Heroes."

"Oh but Kirei." Gilgamesh responded with a devious smirk of his own. "Save the one I am holding, the rest is all for you."

The fake priest stopped dead in his tracks. "Gilgamesh, while I appreciate the thought-"

"I am glad you do Kirei. I know you would never insult me by refusing the honor of eating the food I purchased for you."

 _But I was the one to pay the bill!_  Kotomine protested in his mind, knowing better than voicing his objections aloud. He stared in disdain at the sugary happiness in his hands. He knew that this was revenge for what had happened earlier. Kirei had noticed the shock in the King's face -as brief as it had been- regarding Rin, as well as his earlier annoyance at the flippant way the brat and he had ignored his existence. Kirei secretly hoped he would have snapped and caused some sort of unprecedented havoc, but the King of Uruk had shown remarkable self-restrain. With his plans wrecked and only one small screwdriver in his pants to protect him, he had no choice but to comply.

"Well Kirei?" Gilgamesh probed, swallowing a mouthful of cotton candy. "Do you indeed mean to insult me?"

"Of course not Gilgamesh. I am... thankful." he responded, promising swift retribution in his head.

He bit into the first piece.

He chewed.

He swallowed.

He repeated.

At the end of the evening, neither of the two men would know who was really to blame for the events that unfolded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here goes chapter 2! This story is mostly something to get silly plot bunnies out of my system so there is a good chance this will end up as some sort of one-shots collectionsor short silly stories of the Fate franchise. :D
> 
> Thank you for your time! I hope you enjoy this as much as I do! :)


	3. I Hate The Fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I have made slight improvements in my legal claiming of the world for those of you who may be interested in my ongoing legal troubles- but until I do take over the world and force everyone to make me their inheritor before brutally murdering them or forcing them to commit suicide -brutal suicide- (TM), I own nothing. ESPECIALLY not the Fate franchise or any reference you may happen to recognise.

It was never supposed to end like this.

The tall man stared in silence at the sight before him, his cool facade cracked, his despair clear for the world to see.

_Where? Where did I go wrong?_

Opinions may differ on exactly where things went wrong- maybe it was the man's own choices, maybe this was doomed from the beginning. One thing he knew for sure however.

_I am not paying the repair bill for this._

So for you faithful reader who may be wondering how there may be repair bills involved in this... well, you really shouldn't. Every hint about an oncoming slaughter was sprinkled throughout the previous two chapters and then covered in neon signs that spelled CLUE. But in case I am that much of a genius (and let us face it, I am) and managed to hide them so well despite the neon signs, here's a flashback.

_FLASHBACK_

_"Eat the cotton candy Kirei!"_

" _Don't you make me eat the cotton candy!"_

_"Imma make you!"_

_"No!"_

_END FLASHBACK_

* * *

The King of Heroes stared at the priest with an increasingly worried look. He had expected Kirei to try and talk his way out of this, to present more of a challenge. All it had taken however was a thinly-veiled threat to make him comply and the man began wordlessly consuming the sweet treat. But of course Gilgamesh was, as a general rule, used to such reactions from those who served him. No, what had become a cause of concern for the ancient King of Uruk was the face-splitting grin that had creeped on Kirei's face and was becoming ever wider per bite.

A few more minutes passed before the first insane chuckle spilled from the priest's mouth. He had already eaten an entire cotton candy stick and, under Gilgamesh's increasingly alarmed gaze, had moved on to the second with a worrisome eagerness.

This was not going according to plan. Gilgamesh watched with an unreadable expression as Kirei was now openly devouring the cotton candy, the King's own entirely forgotten in his hand. Bits of pink sugar covered his lips and the tip of his nose and when he went on to the third one, he didn't even bother with picking it up like a normal person. He simply ripped handfuls of it and shoved them in his mouth, uncharacteristic glee in his eyes.

To the King he seemed like a hyena devouring a corpse.

"Kirei."

No response, just even more eating. The third stick was almost completely clean.

" _Kirei._ "

The priest raised his eyes to meet the King's glare, however that only lasted for a few seconds. Instead, his gaze fell on Gilgamesh's own uneaten candy. "Will you eat that?"

"...no."

The sense of foreboding that had overwhelmed Gilgamesh during the "Rin incident", as he planned to refer to it from now on, seemed like nothing compared to watching Kirei devour the pink contraption like a starved man. The priest was flat out cackling with maniacal glee, practically choking on the cotton candy in his attempts to shove it all in his mouth. Compared to the usual calm, collected and sinister Kotomine, this new persona was not only unexpected, but unwelcome as well. Gilgamesh wasn't used to such feelings of... uneasiness. It was incomrehensible to him to feel that sort of emotion. As an absolute being, whose power could be matched only by one person in the entire world, for him to feel this unnatural, mongrel emotion was something he was unable to understand. He only knew one thing. Kirei had to be stopped.

"Kirei, that is enough. I believe I have seen all there was to be seen in this place. We are to go back right now."

The priest raised his eyes to look at Gilgamesh with a frenzied, incomprehensive, _insane_ glare as his grin spread from ear to ear, revealing to rows of perfect white teeth.

"Enough? No... never enough. Never."

The mighty Gilgamesh felt a very human chill run down his spine, but he wasn't about to let the crazy priest know. Instead he narrowed his eyes, assuming the look that he knew sent his vassals doing cartwheels.

"I said that we are leaving Kirei, lest you wish to provoke my wrath. I would advice against it."

And still the priest laughed. In fact, Kotomine Kirei had doubled over, the crazy radiating off of him in waves. The golden King looked down at him, partly in anger, partly in contemplation. He entertained the thought of repeating his request a third time, but his deposits of generosity, small at the best of occasions, were now completely empty. If the priest did not stop this foolishness, the King decided, his life was forfeit. Because of the nature of their relationship he had decided that he woud allow him a chance- the chance had passed when he had repeated his order.

"He wants us to leave!" Kirei cackled, as if saying the funniest of jokes. "He wants to order me to move, like a puppet on a string! _There are no strings on me!"_ he finished in a sing-song voice and then proceeded to do a cartwheel and land in perfect stance, twirling and, as a finishing pose, stood on one foot with his arms raised above his head, finger tips touching. That blasted grin never leaving his face.

_Wait a moment._

The King replayed the scene in his head.

_That can't be right._

He stared at the still-posing Kotomine, for the first time since the dawn of time his mind completely unable to comprehend the sight before him.

Kirei giggled.

"Look Mommy! Look what that Mister just did!"

The high-pitched voice of one of the little humans snapped him back to his senses.

"Who do you mean hon- oh, Father Kotomine! Nice to... uh, see you here." the mother, an average Japanese woman of relatively young age, stared at Kotomine's back, unsure of what to say about his stance.

Breaking eye contact with the King, expression unchanged, the priest slowly turned his head around without moving the rest of his body. The woman had a slightly afraid look in her face, but to her credit she did not flee. At least not until Kirei spoke to her.

"I know what you did last summer."

The line was delivered in a calm voice, but the maniacal overall look the priest sported kind of prevented the average human being from not scooping up their child and running away like all Hell had broken lose behind them, screeching like a banshee.

Much like the woman had done.

Kirei laughed, at last dropping the strange pose to double over in laughter. Again. This was getting too weird for the King's tastes. Way too weird for anyone's tastes, really.

* * *

"Hey Dad, look! Betcha I can shoot it!"

Kiritsugu Emiya sighed and fished in his pockets for coins. "Sure, go ahead." The redhead grbbed the money offered, ran to the shooting stall and picked one of the fake riffles.

Watching his little son run - _he is not so little anymore-_ Kiritsugu shook his head and followed behind the boy. His shooting stance was preposterous, one that Natalia would have thrown a fit over, but he didn't really mind. Shirou would never need to shoot a gun in his entire life, he had made certain of that.

When the sudden sound of something exploding came from behind him, the magus instictively made to turn around. Catching himself in time, he took out a cigarette from their box and lit it. _Not my business anymore,_ he reminded himself. Instead, he continued to watch Shirou's doomed efforts to win the teddy bear that ranked as the number one prize. Maybe he should shoot for it himself, if the boy didn't manage to hit the target.

All his plans went down the drain however, when his insticts began screaming at him out of the blue, turning into overdrive. Without thinking he grabbed Shirou from the neck of his sweater, ignoring the surprised (and high-pitched) squeal the boy made and threw him out of the way, straight into some thorny bushes. He flinched at the following wail, but he had no time to think about a few thorns right now. Instead, he put on his Magus Killer face and turned to confront the source of his state of high alert.

His eyes narrowed. "You..."

The figure of none other than Father Kotomine Kirei, his nemesis from four years ago, landed in front of him, a malicious smirk plastered on the man's face, his Black Keys drawn and ready to fight.

Or so he expected things to go when he sported the priest mid-air and about to land.

Instead of the usual cat-like grace and precise movements he had com to expect however, the Executor landed flat on his face.

It took Kiritsugu a few moments to process that.

A muffled giggle came from the man as he placed his hands beside his head and used them as support to stand up. Kiritsugu couldn't help but shiver at the slasher grin currently decorating the face of his nemesis.

The two arch-enemies made eye-contact for the first time in four years.

Neither said a word.

The grin on Kirei's face slowly dissappeared and got replaced with the passive mask Kiritsugu would never forget, as they lunged at each other.

Or so Kiritsugu had expected things to go when the disturbing exxpression changed.

The grin indeed dissappeared, only to make room for the complete... _collapse_ was the appropriate word, of all he knew about Kotomine Kirei. The Magus Killer stared in horror at the big fat tears streaming down his enemy's cheeks. For the first time he took note of the faint scent of orange juice coming off of him

"I only ever wanted us to be friends! Why, Kiritsugu? Tell me, why!" the other brunete pleaded.

"...Eh?"

The priest blew his nose loudly on his sleeve. When he raised his face again, Kiritsugu could only see anger inside his eyes.

"I mean, no, not really, I think you are a childish loser who thinks he is just _so cool,_ don't you?"

"...Uh..."

"But that is a lie! I bet you can't do _this!_ "

And with that, Kotomine Kirei began break-dancing on the pavement, before the eyes of a very, very afraid Magus Killer.

_"How's that you imbecile?"_ he yelled between moves. "Wanna up the stakes a bit? Eh? Are you scared? Are you chicken? _Tell me Kiritsugu Emiya, are you chicken yo?"_

_Yep. This should be just about enough for one day._

Taking advantage of the fact that Kotomine was currently spinning on his head, Kiritsugu did a series of backflips and landed soundlessly next to the bush where he had thrown Shirou a few moments prior. He fished around said bush, picked Shirou up and dragged him out as the redhead groaned in discomfort. His jacket seemed to catch on something, so Kiritsugu gave him an impatient yank to free him, failing to notice that, in the process, he accidentally propelled him towards the tree exactly in front of the bush, throwing his adoptive son unconscious.

_Time to get out of here._

* * *

Gilgamesh was furious. No, not furious. He was _absolutely livid._ He would find that mongrel, he would drag him to the center of this preposterous fair and make him synonymous to the pain all the King's enemies would suffer for degrading and defying him.

_Revenge is often the sweetest wine._

After a few more minutes of searching and random property destruction, the golden Archer came upon a rather unlikely scene.

The priest, the man he had carefully nurtured into darkness and to whom he had shown the path to happiness, was at the moment busy jumping up and down on one hand, before dropping on his stomach and moving in a manner that, to Gilgamesh, reminded slightly of the motion of a caterpillar, or a worm.

The sight admittedly made him stop dead on his tracks for a few seconds, before he regained his senses.

_Eternal pain and suffering it is._

"Mongrel! Stand and face your death!"

That seemed to stop Kirei from trying to do a swipping motion with one leg in the air, while crouched. His head snapped upwards and, after looking left and right, he burst into sobs.

Gilgamesh stared for a second longer and then shrugged, uninterested as to what had gotten that mongrel so upset. Instead, he threw open the Gate and began shooting.

Kirei was covered in blood, lying lifeless on the concrete, after several Noble Phantasms impaled him.

Or so Gilgamesh expected things to go when the first projectile left the Gate.

He had expected the mongrel to try and dodge, but he didn't expect the mongrel to scream something - what in Aruru's name was a _Za Warudo?-_ and run. No, not only run, but actually _out_ run his Gate.

_This is not going according to plan._

And once more, bloodlust hit the roof as the King gave chase to the crazed cleric. _"MONGREL!"_

* * *

**_THREE HOURS LATER_ **

The brunette was curled into a ball, in the middle of a crater. White froth was coming out of his mouth and his dilated pupils looked frantically around, while the crazed chuckles seemed to never stop spilling from his mouth.

A few meters away, a naked blonde was lying on his back, staring at the stars with a lost expression, his modesty just barely preserved by a thin layer of black dust.

The scenery around them was in no better shape. Demolished stalls, the burned remains of the ferris wheel, some other unrecognisable stuff. Everything within the radius of quite a few kilometers was nothing than scorched land and misery.

The golden King could not find it within himself to stand.

What was the point? All had been lost.

"Good grief... you've really done it this time, haven't you, you fake priest."

The cold voice, childish as it was, was like a bucket of iced water being poured on the blonde Archer. With a sharp move, he sat up, only to come face to face with an irritated aqua gaze. "And you, goldie. What are you do- _pervert!"_

Noticing his nudity for the first time, the Tohsaka wench pulled four emeralds between her fingers and sent them towards him with a sharp command. Before he had time to protect himself, he was lying a few meters further away. The spell wasn't nearly enough to even scratch him, however it sure stang like a bit-

From the corner of his eye, the Servant caught a blur of movement, accompanied by an unfamiliar war-cry, heading straight for the little magus.

"WRYYYYYYY!"

To his surprise, the Tohsaka brat didn't even flinch. With lightning-speed movements she instead brought some sort od straw in her mouth and, puffing her cheeks, she blew in it with all her strength.

The dart left the straw with equal speed to that of her attacker.

And hit home. Straight on the neck.

For a few seconds, the priest just stood motionless on one foot, as if frozen mid-running.

Then, with a loud noise, the man finally fell.

The two people remaining on their feet stood in slence, staring at the snoring figure at their feet.

"What manner of devilry was that?"

The brat shot him a dirty look. "Horse tranquilizer, actually."

"Ah."

"I can't move him on my own."

"Mongrel. You did not just ask a King to do the work of a slave."

"What a pain. This is your doing, right? Either way, you will eventually have to face consequences. You know, karma and stuff."

"Mongrel, did you just accuse me of being responsible of this malarkey? Besides it wasn't-"

It was never supposed to end like this.

The tall man stared in silence at the sight before him, his cool facade cracked, his despair clear for the world to see.

_Where? Where did I go wrong?_

Opinions may differ on exactly where things went wrong- maybe it was the man's own choices, maybe this was doomed from the beginning. One thing he knew for sure however.

_I am not paying the repair bill for this._

This left only one option. With a wave of his hand, a golden portal swallowed the cause of all of today's troubles.

Rin streched and let a sigh escape her. "Well, I am off. My business here is done."

"You have my leave. Oh and mongrel?"

The brunette turned to look at him.

"Not a word. You forget this ever happened."

To the King's surprise, the only response he received was a grin, very close to theone that had triggered all the events. He narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

"Am I now?" she asked sweetly, her hand reaching out towards him with a palm opened.

Too exhausted mentally to argue, he grudgingly threw her a ruby.

"I have also been present from the moment you reached the ferris wheel. I. Saw. Everything."

Without a word, Gilgamesh tossed her twenty more.

"I hope I never have to see your face again goldie." she offered, instead of a proper goodbye. Normally he would be angered by such rudenes, but he was just not in the mood.

"Likewise wench. Now get lost."

Shrugging, she did just that. And as she went out of his line of sight, the golden King of Uruk finally allowed himself to lose consciousness.

_I hate the fair._

* * *

_THE END  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is called Idiot Wind. What did you expect? After all, this is the final productof a lot of frustration, lack of sleep and JoJo. Lots and lots of JoJo.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoyed this! :D


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